Rihanna’s Love, Chaos and “Russian Roulette”

August 23, 2012 by  

A Chaotic Love No One Else Understands


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When love is mesmerizing, painful, enchanting, destructive, how do you climb up out of the muck to gain perspective? That’s what I found myself asking right around the same time Rihanna was recovering in a hospital after the incident that labeled Chris Brown a ‘woman beater.’

Just as many who are in abusive relationships, Rihanna is still reeling from her toxic relationship with Chris Brown. Although it’s been more than three years since the assault that landed her in the hospital, Rihanna sat teary-eyed on “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” telling Oprah that she still feels “protective” of Chris Brown.

Crying over Chris Brown, Rihanna admitted, “I still love him. He was my first love and I see that he loved me the same way. I truly love him,” she asserted. That’s right….love, not loved, as in present tense.

Although Rihanna’s relationship with Chris Brown is really none of our business, many of us can relate to her situation as we have been in unhealthy relationships far longer than we should have been. Sadly, it is too easy to fall back into the addiction you two share: each other. With that said, it seems that if there were any indications that she was in trouble, that her relationship with Chris Brown might have been toxic, it was probably her song, “Russian Roulette.”

“You can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

Said I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving, no

Know that I must pass this test

So just pull the trigger…”

Whether this song was spun out of amazing cacophony, or whether this was something truly personal she was experiencing at the time, a real fear that she tasted while engulfed in her relationship with him, we may never know.

Although many condemn the singer for her interactions with Chris Brown, I think it’s important that she be allowed to grow and make her own mistakes. At twenty-one years old, she wasn’t perfect. Today, at twenty-four, the singer and actress still has much growing to do. However, she must tread cautiously with him.

Today, she and Chris Brown are “friends.” There is a part of her that has grown up and has moved on; yet there is another part of her that is dangerously drawn to him, her “first love.” Of course, there is nothing wrong with friendship. But there’s a fine line between friend and lover.

Because love and reason rarely shares company with one another, Rihanna has been warned again and again to put some distance between herself and Chris Brown. With feelings obviously present, with their history, she could be on the brink of something more with him yet again. Hopefully, she isn’t on her way back to the sordid and dangerous affair the two shared.

Besides, no matter how much you forgive the person you love, you can’t forget how they’ve wronged you. Hopefully, Rihanna will learn to hold on to those memories before deciding to go further with Chris Brown.

“The main thing for me is he’s at peace. I’m not at peace if he’s not happy or he’s still lonely. I care. It actually matters that he finds that peace,” she offered. But seeing them together, it’s easy to see that the two are in love, so it may not be long before she is back in his arms.

Image credit: fanpop




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Fabulous Bio:

my self portraitN. Meridian is the CEO and Founder of A Scandalously Fabulous Life. In addition, she is the author of No Crying For Elena, a proofreader, editor, YourTango Expert,  and freelance writer of various subjects. Her works have appeared on such sites as YourTango, BlogHer, Huffington Post Divorce, Workitmom!, and so on. You can follow our site on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.


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